Elements song by Tom Lehrer, updated

(Also posted on Facebook)

I've been working on memorizing all the chemical elements (long story) and I've always liked Tom Lehrer's classic song. It was written in 1959, though, so it doesn't include the elements discovered and named since then. There are several updated versions online that add an extra verse, but I didn't see one that rhymed! That's a major drawback in a memorization song. So I made my own update. Probably someone, somewhere, has made a rhyming one too, but I think my version works pretty well.

Here are Lehrer's original six verses, an update of his final two lines, then a new verse and new closing lines. If you're not familiar with the song, it goes to the "Modern Major-General" tune from Pirates of Penzance. (And here's a video with Lehrer singing a slightly modified version.)

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,

Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium,
And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium,
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium,
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium,
There's strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium.

There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium,
And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium,
And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,
Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium.

And lead, praseodymium and platinum, plutonium,
Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,
And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium,
And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.

There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium,
And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,
And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium,
And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium.

These WERE the only ones of which the news had come to Harvard,
But we have to mention sixteen more that later were discovered.

There's tennessine, oganesson, meitnerium, moscovium,
And dubnium, darmstadtium, nihonium, flerovium,
[Deep breath and get ready to pack in those extra syllables]Copernicium, roentgenium, rutherfordium, livermorium,
[Now you can relax]And hassium, lawrencium, seaborgium and bohrium.

The seventh row is finished in the periodic table,
Further elements will be manmade and terribly unstable.

Continuing Education

2014 has been a good year for my education in at least three and a half ways. I want to write about them here, not to brag, but to cheer for myself moving from "kind of, sort of learning some stuff" to a more structured approach that seems to be making a difference.

1. My Spanish is getting better. Early in the year I took some community-ed Spanish classes where I had to get over my fear of trying out the language aloud in front of other students and a teacher who was a native speaker. Those have ended, but I've been using Duolingo to work on vocabulary and practice translation, and I'm starting to use some new strategies from Fluent Forever that should help even more.

2. A few months ago I got our old family accordion repaired, got some instruction books, and started practicing. My family has been very patient (accordions are loud) and I'm having a lot of fun! The weirdest thing is that while it's always been hard-to-impossible for me to memorize piano music, accordion music is much easier to memorize. Which is good, because imagine having to turn pages during an accordion performance.

3. Early this year I was introduced to Coursera, a platform for MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses) where you can sign up and take classes from universities all over the world for free. They're not for credit, of course, and usually not as rigorous as a regular undergraduate class, but they're a fun way to explore different subjects and get some brain exercise. Most of them run for 6 to 12 weeks, and my biggest problem has been trying not to sign up for too many at once. Here's what I've finished this year:

The Science of the Solar System (Caltech) - Serious science class with an amazing (and famous) instructor, Mike Brown (also known as Plutokiller). My second favorite so far.

Songwriting (Berklee College of Music) - This one was fun and took me way out of my comfort zone (I had to post my singing online for strangers to listen to).

Vital Signs: Understanding What the Body Is Telling Us (University of Pennsylvania) - All the things the doctor checks when you go in for a physical, explained.

Fantasy and Science Fiction: The Human Mind, Our Modern World (University of Michigan) - I liked reading sci-fi classics like Frankenstein and Dracula, but I didn't like writing essays and trying to come up with something meaningful to say. That's one thing I don't miss about college.

Programming for Everybody (University of Michigan) - Easy introduction to the Python programming language.

Pre-Calculus (University of California, Irvine) - A great review of algebra and trigonometry and all that fun math I haven't used in years.

Fundamentals of Music Theory (University of Edinburgh) - Not the best-thought-out class (it got really difficult really fast) but it was fun to listen to the instructors.

Developing Your Musicianship (Berklee College of Music) - Some basic music theory, demonstrated by a super fun teacher who's clearly enjoying every minute, leading up to learning how to write and play a 12-bar blues.

Copyright for Educators & Librarians (Duke University and others) - Very specific topic that was actually quite interesting.

Learning How to Learn (University of California, San Diego) - Fairly good class with some good ideas about more effective studying and learning.

An Introduction to Interactive Programming in Python (Rice University) - My very favorite class so far. Each week we had a game to program, getting more and more complicated and ending with an Asteroids game - here's mine. (Of course they gave us step-by-step help and provided the sounds and graphics, but still, it was really fun to write the code and get it to work correctly.)

Introduction to Guitar (Berklee College of Music) - I gave this 6-week guitar course a good effort and can now say I have tried guitar. Back to accordion for me.

Social Psychology (Wesleyan University) - Quite a good overview of this subject, with lots of video interviews of well-known psychologists and clips from famous and infamous experiments.

Think Again: How to Reason and Argue (Duke University) - Logic, fallacies, evaluating deductive and inductive arguments.

How Things Work (University of Virginia) - Basic mechanics (physics) using everyday examples. I just finished this one today.

I'm kind of amazed at how long that list has gotten, just from spending some time on classes most evenings instead of watching TV.

3.5. The half is for the Shakespeare reading. Apparently my goal of reading all the plays in one year was a little ambitious, but I'm more than half finished and still going (The Merry Wives of Windsor, currently) so I know I'll get there eventually. And then on to Dickens, I think.

14 compositions in 28 days

It took me till the last day of February, but I finished February Album Writing Month for the first time! Most of the pieces I did this year were short exercises from a composition workbook I'm working through. But hey, I'm counting them. I also put a scripture to music (Matthew 16:13-17, our stake scripture for the year) to help me and my family memorize it more easily. I used a hymn tune, but it took a while to work out how to fit the words to it in a natural way. My favorite composition this year is an arrangement of "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing" for cello with piano accompaniment. I've been wanting to put it together for a long time, and the February challenge gave me the push to get it done. Which is the whole point of challenges, I think!

And speaking of challenges, I just found out about NaPoWriMo. NaPoWriMo participants write a poem every day during the month of April, which is National Poetry Month. Anyone want to join me?

FAWM is almost here

It's only a week till February, and that means February Album Writing Month. Last year I wrote a couple of short pieces, but didn't keep up with it and didn't reach the FAWM goal of 14 songs in 28 days. This year I'm ready! 2011 is going to be the year I complete both FAWM and NaNoWriMo. (While keeping the house clean, the children educated, and the checkbook balanced. Ha ha!)

Distractedness reaches a new level

Have you ever been asked to say the closing prayer in a church meeting, and by the time the meeting ends, you've forgotten all about it, and everyone's waiting, and you're waiting too, and all of a sudden you realize everyone's waiting for you?

I hope it's not just me that this happens to.

Now to the next level. Has this ever happened to you with the opening prayer in a church meeting? You're asked to pray, you agree, and two minutes later your mind has moved on to something else and you've forgotten all about it?

I've done that too.

But yesterday I realized I definitely need to learn to focus better. We had a musical number in the middle of our church services. Some children were going to sing, and I went up to the piano to accompany them. My music was ready and I sat there watching as the children came up to the front and their music leader helped them get arranged. Then I watched her as she smiled at them and raised her hands, preparing to start them into the song. Then she paused, and I wondered why they weren't starting. Then the music leader looked at me questioningly. And then I realized, Oh, that's right, I'm the pianist.

Either I'm so used to accompanying that I don't even think about it anymore, or I'm getting old and senile. Whichever it is, I should probably write a big note to myself before stake conference next week: "I AM ACCOMPANYING THE STAKE CHOIR. BEGIN PLAYING. KEEP PLAYING TILL FINISHED. PLEASE ATTEMPT TO PLAY THE CORRECT NOTES IN THE CORRECT ORDER. AND DON'T FALL ASLEEP DURING THE TALK RIGHT BEFORE THE CHOIR SINGS."

Christmas song word clouds

(As I typed that title, I thought: English is fun. You can put four nouns in a row and the first three can modify the fourth.)

Here are some word clouds I made at wordle.net by pasting in the lyrics to Christmas songs. The size of each word corresponds to how frequently it's used in the song. See if you can guess them. (Most are easy this year, but one or two might challenge you.) You can click on the images to enlarge them. Merry Christmas!

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Life, lately

Well, it's November 1 and the NaNoWriMo site is overloaded, so I can't enter my first wordcount for this year's novel. (1,144 so far.) So instead I'll give a quick update on what we've been doing.

Gerbils - After a year or more of talking about getting a pet, then researching different animals, we finally got two gerbils last week from the Humane Society. I'll post photos sometime. They are friendly and very cute and should give the kids some good hands-on biology experience. (Not the breeding kind of experience, though. They are both female.)

Music - Last Friday I got to sing in the Assembly Hall in Salt Lake City with a four-stake choir for the annual Relief Society Music Festival. We rehearsed for two months with a wonderful director, and it was an amazing experience to finally perform. I was asked to play a small bell solo for one of the songs, and despite several nightmares about various ways of messing it up, it went just fine.

Chemistry - We have finished 4 out of the 6 chemistry class sessions we're holding this fall. We tried a cool color-changing experiment last week that we got from Home Science Tools. This week we will be testing for acids and bases with litmus paper and red cabbage dye. We may even bake some cakes using different chemical reactions.

NaNoWriMo - This year A. and T. are participating in the Young Writers Program, so there's a lot of writing going on in our house today.

More soon!

FAWM, not quite

FAWM is February Album Writing Month. The challenge is to write 14 songs (an album's worth) during the month of February. Procrastination got the better of me, though, and by the end of the month I'd only finished four songs and had half of another one written.

I still had fun, though, and next year I plan to start on time and finish the challenge with time to spare!

My songs were:

Icy Rain in B Flat Minor (classical style)

Life Is So Good (not sure what type of song -- a ballad?)

Looking for the Library Books Blues (silly blues song for the kids)

Annoying Song (another silly one about kids' songs that get stuck in your head)

Now I need an Organize-Your-House challenge for March.

Blood drive, take two

After the last blood drive experience, I wasn't sure I wanted to try again. But we needed a cheap date last night, so off we went. Romantic!

I'm happy to report that this time, I didn't provide any unusual entertainment for the technicians. No gushing blood, no running for ice packs. No bruising, either! (I tried the hold-your-arm-straight-up trick, and it seems to have worked.)

I did learn one important thing, though. When they poke your finger to test your blood, and they ask whether you want them to use your right hand or your left hand, it would be smart to remember what you need those fingers for. I told them to use my left hand, thinking that I'd need it less afterward because I'm right-handed. Then today I got out my cello for some practice time. Ouch! The place they stabbed me is right where I need to push on the cello string. I got through about half my practice and had to stop. At least my lesson isn't for a few more days.

Christmas Sunday

Last Sunday at church we had a musical program. It's become a tradition that on the Sunday before Christmas, the bishop asks several members of the congregation to speak briefly about a favorite Christmas song. After each speaker, the congregation sings the song the speaker chose. I love hearing the reasons people choose various songs, and I love the extra singing.

This year, instead of asking for Christmas songs specifically, the bishop just asked for songs about the Savior. We ended up with a great mix of hymns that expressed the speakers' love for Jesus Christ. It was a wonderful way to get our hearts ready for Christmas. Here are a few words from each of the songs.

Joy to the world, the Lord is come;
Let earth receive her King!

I believe in Christ; oh, blessed name!
As Mary's Son he came to reign
'Mid mortal men, his earthly kin,
To save them from the woes of sin.

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

He overcometh all.
He saveth from the Fall.
His might and power are great.
He all things did create.
And he shall reign forevermore.

And our eyes at last shall see him,
Through his own redeeming love;
For that child so dear and gentle
Is our Lord in heaven above.

The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength.
I know in his might I'll conquer at length.
My weakness in mercy he covers with power,
And, walking by faith, I am blest every hour.

Silent night! Holy night!
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth;
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth.

Have a joyful Christmas!

"Other Verses" Game

A few years ago I put together this game for a choir party. The phrases are from Christmas songs, but not from the first verse. Each phrase has been broken in half. Can you match the two parts of each phrase and then decide which carol each phrase is from?


No more will sin and sorrow grow

All meanly wrapped in swathing bands

When I was a seeker, I sought both night and day

Born a babe on Bethlehem's plain

What the gladsome tidings be

Page and monarch forth they went, forth they went together

We are not daily beggars that beg from door to door

Mary was the mother there

Sing, choirs of angels, sing in exultation

I sought the Lord to help me, and He showed me the way

And the Christ that baby fair

And still is sung in ev'ry tongue

Nor thorns infest the ground

Sing, all ye citizens of heav'n above

Mild he lays his glory by

Which inspire your heav'nly song

For lo! the days are hast'ning on, by prophets seen of old

Lived on earth our Savior holy

When with the ever-circling years shall come the time foretold

Proclaim the holy birth

Born that man no more may die

With the poor, and mean, and lowly

The angels' song of glory

And in a manger laid

Gold we bring to crown Him again

Through the rude wind's wild lament, and the bitter weather

O morning stars, together

But we are neighbors' children, whom you have seen before

Music and chores

I play the piano almost every day, usually just for fun. But a couple of weeks ago I bought an arrangement of Die Moldau by Smetana, a Czech composer. It's a long, beautiful piece that I love listening to, and I'm determined to learn to play it. My left hand isn't smooth yet on the fast runs of notes. There are awkward places where I need to work out the fingering. There are two or three pages I can't play at all yet. But it's slowly getting better, and even though it's work, it's fun.

I also recently started cello lessons again. My new teacher has assigned me some pretty hard stuff to help me overcome some technique errors I've fallen into. I'm practicing scales, bowing, and fingering, and trying to toughen up the skin on my fingers again. But I enjoy it despite the hard work.

So I was thinking the other day: Why is it so much more appealing to practice music than to clean the house or balance the checkbook? The repetitive motions of fingers and arms aren't fun in themselves. The fun comes from hearing the music -- sometimes beautiful, sometimes just the beginnings of what will someday be beautiful. All those bowstrokes and scales produce a result that makes the work worth it.

I've been trying to look at housework the same way. Dishes, laundry, and cleaning the toilet aren't my favorite things to do, but maybe they're like bowing exercises or piano scales. Maybe the repetitive household tasks will be less of a chore if I focus more on the result -- the harmony of a clean and organized home.


(Wow, that was deep. Maybe I should just sing more as I work:

If you chance to meet a germ, do not let it stay,
Quickly open up the bleach and scrub that germ away.
No one likes a messy place, here is what to do,
Send the children up in space and no more mess for you.

...Yes, yes, horrible mom thoughts. It's late.)

Welcome home!

We welcomed an old friend home today after some prolonged travel. I'm not sure who was more excited, me or the kids. They all had to take their turns getting reacquainted, but I finally put my foot down and was able to get an hour of quality time myself.

I was a little worried about aftereffects of the long journey. But jetlag doesn't seem to be a problem, and our friend doesn't have any trace of an accent even after spending so much time in a foreign country. This trip happened for health reasons, and I do have to say that all the previous concerns seem completely cleared up, so maybe it was worth it -- even though I had to pay for the trip and didn't even get to visit Japan myself!

Here's A. earnestly making up for all that time apart, with T. behind her waiting his turn.

My piano, the world traveler

Back in February, our digital piano stopped working. I turned it on one day, tried to play something, and got only silence. Then I noticed that the power light was on, but none of the other usual indicator lights. I called the electronics company that had fixed a minor problem with the piano once before, and they sent a man out to look at it.

"It's your main board," he told me after doing some investigating inside the piano.

"That doesn't sound good," I said.

"It's not cheap, either," he said cheerfully.

He went back to the office to look up the cost of a new circuit board, then called to inform me that there is no replacement part. The piano is 12 years old and the company has stopped making them. The only option for repairing the piano was to send my circuit board to the factory and have them rebuild it. This would take "2 to 4 weeks."

After weighing the cost for this procedure against the larger cost and hassle of finding a different piano, I gave the okay.

That was almost 8 weeks ago. I called a couple of times and was told that they hadn't heard back from the factory yet.

Today I called again, determined to be more aggressive. I even practiced my lines beforehand. I told the employee that since it was taking so much longer than I had been told, I was unsure whether I still wanted to have the work done. (Grrr! That's telling 'em!) He transferred me to another employee who, he said, might have more current information for me.

He did. "I just spoke with the people at the factory yesterday," he said. "Your board is in Japan."

He must have correctly interpreted my silence -- "????!!!!" -- because he went on to explain that for rebuilds of obsolete boards like this, they have to send projects to the main factory in Japan. Apparently it's no big deal. "Oh, yeah, we have several projects over there right now." When it's done, it gets shipped back to the factory in the U.S., then to the electronics company here in Utah, and then they'll bring it to my house and reinstall it. And then we'll all cross our fingers and hope it works. Because if it doesn't work, I'm not paying for it. I even told them so. (Grrr!)

Christmas carol quiz

Merry Christmas Eve! Can you guess these carols from their Wordle images? (The bigger the word, the more frequently it appears in the song.)

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Music I play

I love to sit down and play the piano. My favorite pieces are (1) pieces that are fun to play, even if I can't play it as fast as it's supposed to go, and even if I can't get every note right; and (2) pieces that have beautiful melody or harmony, even allowing for some mistakes.

Most of these are at an "advanced" level, meaning "past the end of the piano lesson books," but I certainly can't play all of them "well." That's my point -- they're still enjoyable at less than perfect quality. (I hope someday this list will include organ, cello, or other music, but right now I'm not frequently playing those other instruments.)

Piano pieces that are fun to play
Beethoven, Pathetique Sonata, 1st & 3rd movement
Beethoven, Moonlight Sonata, 3rd movement
Debussy, Masques
Gershwin, Rhapsody in Blue
Moszkowski, Spanish Dances, duets for one piano, four hands
Lots of Jon Schmidt, especially Winter Wind, First Run, and Dumb Song
Almost everything by Leroy Anderson
Lots of Dave Brubeck, especially Far More Blue, Bluette, and King for a Day

Piano pieces that are beautiful (at least I think so, and it's my blog)
Debussy, Passepied
Brahms, Waltz (Op. 39 #9)
Scarlatti, Sonata in A Major (K.322)
Mendelssohn, Duetto (Op. 38 #6)
Jon Schmidt, Bedtime Story


(Updated 7/13/08)